Twilight Zone

I grew up in a household where some version of the Syfy channel could be found on in the background, if nothing else was on. I remember seeing all the strange movies in Syfy or horror, like my mom’s old favorite “The Tingler” or anything Alfred Hitchcock. I can still remember watching “Mothera”, “Jaws”, “King Kong” under a makeshift fort in the living room at Nancy’s (my second family). And I can’t forget my Dad who still likes to host viewing parties for the latest in Syfy – Sharknado, despite the fact that he thinks all these other sharks are ‘second rate’ to Bruce, the mechanical shark in “Jaws”. (That was an actual comment made during our 3-D screening of “Shark Night”). But I am most fond of New Year’s eves spent watching the Twilight Zone marathon. Interestingly, I don’t think I could actually give a synopsis of a single plot from any episode but yet the show stands out in my mind. My guess is the creepy music, a staple of any hallmark horror / syfy show. Or perhaps it was the thrill of the Tower of Terror ride in Orlando that allows me to have some nostalgia for the late 1950s show. The why doesn’t particularly matter, what does matter is the ‘twilight zone’ feeling. You know the one where it feels like you’ve woken up in an alternate universe or where it feels like deja vu settled in like a thick fog. That one. It seems that August may just be my ‘twilight zone’.

The past year has been a whirlwind for me, in most ways completely out of my control. I have the luxury of blaming Hodge for most of that. He has had a knack for dictating the direction of my very active schedule. Despite that fact, this past year has also been full of amazing adventures. A year ago Sunday, I reconnected with Josh (my not so complicated significant other), which has been a completely unexpected game changer. I never expected to have a relationship, during all of this. If anything, I honestly would have laughed if you even told me it was a possibility. I’m sure if someone asked Steph, she would tell you that I thought it downright impossible not improbable. Admittedly and thankfully, I was wrong. But I do have to admit, I feel fortunate for that fact. I have met many other in my travel through my support group, that have not been as lucky. Some people are not cut out to try to build, maintain, or keep a relationship with someone whose life is always in flux, and has to face that their future is far from guaranteed. I probably don’t give Josh nearly enough credit for taking that on. But he did. And now has essentially entered the ‘twilight zone’.  Cue eerie music, for effect.

August creeped up far more quickly then I anticipated and with it came the move. Josh and I decided to jump into the deep end and attempt co-habitating. I’ve learned a few lessons about cohabitation thanks to Hodg, but this sort of feels like an alternate universe to me. I’m fairly certain that this my commitment phobic nature talking, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who felt this way initially. Suddenly, there is someone else to consider all the time and your space shrunk by at least fifty percent in the bed, on the couch, the closet, the medicine cabinet, etc. And regardless of the “shrinking element”, it is just a whole new way of life. One that is exciting, exhilarating, a little scary, and perhaps challenging (we most definitely do not have the same style at all). It will definitely take the month if not longer to put together a home that is ours, and we will probably be living in some version of the ‘twilight zone’ until we get used to our new reality. I’m certain that once the fog settles, my alternate reality will become part of my new normal.

We also have to consider Hodg (adding a little three is a crowd vibe) to our mix. This month has actually been a little bit of a respite from him. My treatment on the trial is being delayed due to pesky pneumonitis. As long as it clears, it won’t impact my ability to stay on the trial but for now it has given me a little bit of a treatment break, while I settle into the ‘zone’ of life with Josh. And who knows, maybe the ‘twilight zone’ element is half the fun.