New to Me…

When you are little, everything is a new experience. The first time you (insert pretty much any activity here). The difference is that the majority of people don’t necessarily remember those new experiences if they occurred within their first three and half years. The inability to remember things prior to around this age is called childhood amnesia by scientists, and thought to be the result of the absence of language skills. According to studies, females tend to have an easier time recollecting earlier memories than their male counterparts. The gender difference often lies in communication skills that develop early on, females tend to tell elaborate stories about their days beginning early on allowing them to make connections to their memories. I know I was definitely one of those girls that would recap every part of the day at the dinner table and can generally remember the details of my younger years. My ‘sort of’ brother/ oldest friend always states that he has virtually no recollection of our childhood years. So maybe there is some accuracy to the study. Regardless, right now everything seems new to me. After all if we go by age of my stem cells they are only fourteen days old, which is definitely new to me.

This stem cell transplant experience has been an interesting one and not at all as I expected. I’m not really sure what I thought it would be like, but I anticipated a more caught somewhere between ‘hope and hell’ kind of thing. So much of what I read, heard from my support group or came as a disclaimer from my doctors made this experience sound overall horrific. Now I’m not saying it has been easy in any way but it has not been horrific either. I managed to keep myself occupied and make some new friends along the way. I have also begun an exercise routine in hopes of maintaining strength and shifting my new stem cells to a healthier lifestyle. I started off walking a mile and have since gone to two miles out in the pod. Walking in the pod isn’t exactly scenic so I requested a stationary bike to add to my new routine. I met with PT and was off and peddling. This new level of dedication and consistency is certainly new to me. And I like it, also new. It has been a long time since I can sincerely say that I enjoyed exercise, not since Steph and I took up running one Fall several years ago.

This new experience has also led me down a path of relaxation, albeit forced, that I am unaccustomed to. I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and have primarily focused on that over the past twelve years, so this forced break is both new and a little scary for me. In the last three weeks I have watched countless hours of Home and Garden TV, movies, a whole Netflix season, read a whole book in a day, scrapbooked and colored. I have to say though that I don not find coloring all that relaxing despite the hype it has gotten over the years. I find that I get stressed out if my picture isn’t perfect. So I may need to practice “letting it go” and “coloring outside the lines”.  I think finding new hobbies and ways to focus my attention on other things may be rejuvenating and actually help me reenergize for work when I can return next year. I may also need to get accustomed to napping, because on days like today I’m exhausted.

All of the medical ‘stuff’ is new to me as well. It may feel like I’ve been working on my med degree for the last three years, but this experience has led to many firsts. I needed platelets for the first time and they look like orange juice. Creepy and interesting. Apparently they can also have a green tinge if a female on birth control donated them. Again creepy and interesting. I have learned all about cell growth and their functions. My waiting game has officially ended. My cells began engrafting yesterday and by today I had 110 neutrophils or new cells created by my new stem cells that will contribute to my new immune system. I have to say that I am very excited about it. I’m still treading lightly and am cautiously optimistic because there could be snags related to gvhd or graft versus host disease along the way, but for now so far so good. I’m hoping to be home sometime next week as a result of my new cell growth. But before I get to leave, I have to undergo a series of classes with the PAs, nurses, and nutritionist to learn how to get back to life as an allo transplant patient. In many ways I’m excited about this new phase and am truly blessed to have the opportunity to get a chance to start new and the support of so many to help along the way! Only this time I’ll be able to remember all of these new things, even in the next three and half years of my infant stem cell life.