Donations of Love…

I have struggled to find just the right words to express my gratitude to my family, friends, and community as a whole for the love that they have shown me over the course of the last nine months and more recently as my scenic route with my Hodgkin’s gets longer and on ever more winding road. It has been said a time or two (hundred times) that I am one of the most stubborn people ever. While I prefer to think of myself as independent, self sufficient, assertive, and picky; I suppose stubborn may sum up these attributes just fine. Having acknowledged my stubbornness, it also suffices to say that I find it difficult to accept help. This is not a new development that came with my cancer, it is a personally trait that is just me. I’ll admit it, I was one of those people…The kind that will break an arm to carry all the groceries into the house in one trip because it is usually just me; the kind that never says no even if I am being crushed by the weight of the work and commitments I already have; the kind that will struggle to get done what is needed on my own because that is just part of my nature. The kind that thought my cancer diagnosis and new status was my own to bear.

That is not to say that I didn’t think it would impact those who love me. I just thought I would handle it like I handle anything and everything else; face it head on and deal with the snags as they come and only ask for help when it is absolutely necessary. I remember the first time I called Z’s office because I had a slight fever and he was elated, because he assumed I would never call, that I would attempt to tough it out despite his instructions. I would like to point out that that may be true of my personality but not so much when it comes to  my health. Either way, I think it illustrates who I am. My friends indirectly remind me every single day that they are part of this journey too. That they feel the weight of my diagnosis and fight to beat it. In essence they are as caught in its web as I am. I can tell by the weight of it all in my mom’s eyes or the anger my dad feels. I see it on Steph’s face every time I have to tell her another treatment failed, in Erik’s voice when I tell him the same, or when Josh holds me a little tighter because there is nothing he can say to make it easier for me or for him. It’s obvious to me that the people who love and care for me are just as much a part of this as I am and they want to be there, are willing to be there, and will be there no matter what.

Steph and a group of my closest friends and family recently planned a fundraiser to help with my medical bills that I was swimming under, but was equally determined to make it work on my own regardless. I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my situation, but in the end I had no choice. Steph and the others went ahead and organized this amazing event without my consent. They put it in countless hours of work organizing months before, getting donations, securing all the details. There are no words for the gratitude I feel. The love and compassion I feel for them. I am so fortunate to have so many amazing people in my life – who ignore my requests, stand by me, and brave the storm with me. It reminds me that “there really are so many beautiful reasons to be happy”. I have a beautiful life that is filled to brim with some of the most wonderful people you could ever know. I am close to my parents, adore my second family (the Snyders), love my boyfriend who has made it his mission to make sure I laugh and smile even when I’m having a bad day, have the best friends anyone could ask for, and I meet new people that inspire me every day. The community came out to the fundraiser in support and while they were donating money to the KP fund to help with my bills, to me they were donating love and support and encouragement! And for that I am eternally grateful!

I received a card from someone who means the world to me and we have a shared history that is both happy and sometimes overwhelmingly sad. And I read her card every day to remind me to be strong and that when I don’t think I can be, there are so many people who love me who will take some of the punches for me.

I believe in you

in the things that are important to you and the way you choose to live your life…

I believe that you can accomplish anything you set out to do, that you have many talents and the wisdom to use them well…

I believe that you have what it takes to overcome obstacles and to grow from every experience life bring your way…

I believe in your courage, your compassion, your integrity, your strength.

I believe in your goodness…

I believe in you.

I hope that everyone realizes how many amazing people they have in their corner without ever being put in the position that I am in. I hope that you notice and be thankful for everyone who is a part of your life, whether they are in the game or on the sidelines because when it matters they will all be there to cheer you on.

So thank you for your donations of love!


8 thoughts on “Donations of Love…”

  1. The love you feel from your family and friends is simply a reflection of the love and spirit that we feel from you! Though I don’t see you often, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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